It is estimated that two-thirds of the 300,000 plus pilgrims a year start their walk as solo travellers. There are guidelines and warnings to help any solo pilgrim safely walk to Santiago. Some people are happy walking solo. They relish the undisturbed time in nature and the peace and quiet time away from the hustle and bustle of human interaction.
Yet, the question remains, do I want to walk the Camino alone? Technically, I am walking with my sister-in-law, so I am not alone. However, can I walk the Camino without Madeline?
I have had the last three and half years to try to get used to doing everyday things without Madeline. (I am not sure if we ever really get used to it. We just accept “it is what it is.”) But the Camino is different; it is supposed to be a place of miracles. This was supposed to be my story of how “my Jesus”, “my beloved daughter”, “my Madeline”, appeared as I walked along the pilgrim’s path. (I have never lacked imagination!) This was supposed to be one of those stolen moments where the curtain between the here and there was broken if only for a moment. Don’t you love the manual of expectations I have come up with?
Coach Gigi: Yes, these things could happen. And if they do, what are you making them mean?
Me: Madeline truly loves me. It means that God has not forsaken me. I am forgiven. I have been redeemed. Oh no, I am still looking for redemption.
Coach Gigi: Can you walk the Camino without Madeline being the way you want her to be?
Me: Yes…but…
Coach Gigi: And if Madeline did not join you in the way that you have defined, do you not want to walk the Camino?
Me: Yeah… but it won’t be the same.
Coach Gigi: No, it won’t be the same, but it could be better.
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