After coming home from the Camino, I thought if I walked 172 miles in 10 days, I could conquer my fear of dating. Let’s face it – it has been over 26 years since I have gone on a first date. To give you some perspective – in 1993 phones were smaller than the Motorola “brick” but they only flipped. Texting was a 20 minute chore pressing each number 1 to 6 times for the character you wanted. Computers were running Windows 3.1 and we were excited for WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get). There were no iPhones or iPods. The internet was dial-up and AOL emails were the most common. There were only 272 Starbucks in the US compared to the 575 that there are now in Illinois alone. Basically, you met people through friends, family, at fitness centers or bars… and there were classified ads. As you can see it was a simpler time… no apps, no internet dating, no sexting!
The modern internet dating sounds so overwhelming to a shy, simpleton like me. I didn’t even go to the bars or fitness centers of the past.
Then two weeks ago, I went to a conference. The speaker asked me to write down my biggest fear. The one that has haunted you for years. I did not write dating but “being alone.” Being an only child for 9 years made me very aware of what being alone was like and I hated it.
I stared at my piece of paper, realizing even through all the changes of the last two years I was still living from a place of scarcity instead of abundance. I was still thinking if I changed my circumstance – being single to being a couple then I would be happy.
The coach in me reminded me that is NOT how it works.
As a coach, we encourage our clients to be happy with “what is” before changing the circumstance, not to create a goal with the thought I will be happy when I accomplish that.
Think about losing weight. How many of us thought that we would be “happy” when we lost our weight only to find being thin is nice, but we still weren’t happy. Or I will be “happy” when I have children, only to find most days you are frustrated and tired. Or I will be “happy” when I make this amount of money, only to find you need more.
I need to practice my own advice! I need to be happy with “being alone” before conquering my second fear – dating!
My goal: No more longing for “the one.” No more longing for something more while in a relationship. No more questioning if I am good enough, attractive enough, or lovable enough. No more neediness. No more looking for love in all the wrong places.
My adventure for the next 6 months is DATING MYSELF – working on being happy with “what is” not being a part of a couple – just “being alone”.
I recently read this quote, “No matter where you are in your life’s journey, it is never too late to start dreaming and creating again.” That is what I will be doing! I invite you to join me as I blog about my weekly adventure and creating again – from board meetings with my past, picnics in the park, meet my dreams, seeing a movie, discovering my masks, dining at a fancy restaurant, etc – doing it “all alone.” No phone, No computer – just me, myself and I.
Embracing the Hope to Grow, Flourish, Blossom!
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